From Sea to Shining Sea
FORWARD: SOCIABILITY WAS AN ONLINE MAGAZINE DEDICATED TO “LIVING GENEROUSLY AND SERVING JOYFULLY.”
AN IDEA BORN DURING THE THROES OF COVID, SOCIABILITY CAME TO LIFE THROUGH MY FRIENDSHIP WITH TONY RUTIGLIANO. WITH HE AS THE PUBLISHER AND ME AS EXECUTIVE EDITOR, TOGETHER WE LAUNCHED SOCIABILITY AS A DIFFERENT KIND OF ONLINE MAGAZINE. WE RECRUITED FRIENDS, FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, AND STRANGERS WHO BECAME FRIENDS TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND TO SERVE ON OUR BOARD. EVERYONE WAS A VOLUNTEER. IT WAS A MAGAZINE FULL OF WAYS THAT PEOPLE ARE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER. OUR CONTRIBUTORS AND I SHARED STORIES OF FRESH AIR AND DOGS, LOOKING BACK AND LOOKING AHEAD, LOVING PEOPLE JUST AS THEY ARE (INCLUDING YOURSELF), SHARING ONE’S TALENTS AND ENTHUSIASM WITH OTHERS, DADS SPENDING TIME WITH DAUGHTERS, MOMS SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER, AND BAKING REALLY GOOD CAKE. FOR ME, THE EXPERIENCE OF WORKING WITH OUR CONTRIBUTORS WAS EXTRAORDINARY.
THE MAGAZINE EXISTED FROM NOVEMBER 2020 - MAY 2022. WE STILL SEE LITTLE GLIMMERS OF ITS IMPACT TODAY, WHICH SAYS TO US THAT SOCIABILITY LIVED A GOOD LIFE. THAT’S ABOUT THE BEST THING YOU CAN SAY ABOUT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WHEN YOU SAY GOOD-BYE.
hERE’S ONE OF MY STORIES, ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR SOCIABILITY AND NOW RETURNED TO ME TO SHARE WITH YOU.
Cell phone photo by Amy Schultz
While I have little talent for singing (OK, none whatsoever), on patriotic occasions like Independence Day, I do not hold back on the highly singable first verse of America the Beautiful:
O beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
For those of us who love to travel, the combination of rising vaccination rates and downward trajectory of new COVID-19 cases is welcome news. I’m ready to see some spacious skies, purple mountains, and shiny coastlines, aren’t you?
Even if you are, you’ve probably noticed that not everyone is moving back into the world at the same pace as you. We’re like a group of kids perched on the side of a swimming pool: some are diving in gracefully, some are still testing the water temperature, others are tip-toeing in one step at a time, and others are taking the cannonball approach: spuh-LASH!
There is no one right way to get back in the swim.
It’s not just about the physical act of safely getting into the water. There are other powerful forces at work such as our individual thoughts, anxieties and frustrations, some which developed during the pandemic and some which have been with us much longer. Even as we transition from isolation back into our communities, it doesn’t necessarily mean our emotions are finished processing everything that happened.
And that’s OK. More than OK, that’s normal.
My friend Elizabeth recently shared this insight with me from grief expert David Kessler:
“We often believe that grief will grow smaller in time.
It doesn’t. We must grow bigger.
We must be the architects of our lives after loss.”
A worldwide pandemic may not be what Kessler had in mind when he wrote this, but we can still apply its wisdom to this moment in time. We – the world – spent over a year in a smaller, more introspective, more isolated kind of place than most of us had ever known before. Now, how will we choose to become bigger again?
To help me think this through, I asked Mary Jo Cochrum, Licensed Professional Counselor and founder of Woodland West Christian Counseling in Arlington, to explain the similarities between the grieving process and differing ways individuals are re-entering the world.
"Think about the stages of grief,” said Mary Jo. “Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—and more recently, meaning. Kessler found that there was more to the process beyond acceptance and added meaning as the sixth stage. Kessler likens meaning to finding light in the darkness at the end of the grieving process.”
“I believe that when we’re in the middle of grieving losses,” she continued, “our world can feel very dark and small. Being inward-focused is normal during grief. It is hard work and takes a tremendous amount of energy! We simple may not have much bandwidth for the outside world. We have all lost something during this pandemic—jobs, loved ones, security, normalcy, relationships, connection, etc. We have been grieving those losses for a while, and now, being vaccinated, we can go back into the world safely again. Since the grieving process is not linear, however, we are all in different places in the process, and some may not necessarily be ready to move back into the world. Even when we are, venturing back out can feel overwhelming and scary. Taking things slowly and practicing good self-care is essential during this time. Notice your body and what you need to feel safe and rested. Also know that we do not have to return to what our lives looked like prior to COVID.”
Local artist Penelope James shared how she was able to “grow bigger” than the losses she was feeling during quarantine by leaning in to her creative process.
Self portrait, 2020, Penelope James
“…When a people-pleaser (like me) finds herself alone, she can become quite lost and frantic. This frantic energy finally found its way to my creativity, and I started creating self-portraits. I cannot even begin to tell you how therapeutic the entire process was, from creating props and backdrops, to setting the composition, to selecting and editing the photos. The self-portraits became my lifeline during the most difficult year I (we) have ever experienced. To me they are representative of the importance of art. Both creating and sharing. By sharing your creativity, you are encouraging and inspiring others to do the same, and they in turn are inspiring their circle. It really is quite wonderful to think about, and it certainly makes one feel less alone. In fact, I daresay I now feel more connected and grounded than I ever have in my life.”
To see more of Penelope’s portfolio, click here.
Even as time was standing still, Penny discovered a new form of creative expression and built a bigger world for herself by inspiring others. In 2020, she became the architect of her new life in 2021. And beyond.
What will the rest of us do? Will we regress back to 2019? Or will we choose to make our skies more spacious and our country more gracious?
Mary Jo offered this insight: “As a Christian, I believe God can bring good things from bad situations. This pandemic has been very difficult for all of us. In the midst of the pandemic, our country also experienced an awakening to the problems rooted in racial injustice and inequality. This presents a unique and wonderful opportunity to choose empathy. In doing so, we truly can break down barriers and create understanding for and connections with each other which will promote healing for recent hurts and past wounds as well.”
As for me, all I can do is start with myself. I can enroll in architecture school (metaphorically speaking) to learn how to design and build something from my losses that’s new and much bigger than just me. Maybe if enough of us do that, we can crown His good with brotherhood all the way from sea to shining sea.