The Power of Positive Anticipation

FORWARD: SOCIABILITY WAS AN ONLINE MAGAZINE DEDICATED TO “LIVING GENEROUSLY AND SERVING JOYFULLY.”

AN IDEA BORN DURING THE THROES OF COVID, SOCIABILITY CAME TO LIFE THROUGH MY FRIENDSHIP WITH TONY RUTIGLIANO. WITH TONY AS THE PUBLISHER AND ME AS EXECUTIVE EDITOR, TOGETHER WE LAUNCHED SOCIABILITY AS A DIFFERENT KIND OF ONLINE MAGAZINE. WE RECRUITED FRIENDS, FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, AND STRANGERS WHO BECAME FRIENDS TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND TO SERVE ON OUR BOARD. EVERYONE WAS A VOLUNTEER. IT WAS A MAGAZINE FULL OF WAYS THAT PEOPLE ARE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER. OUR CONTRIBUTORS AND I SHARED STORIES OF FRESH AIR AND DOGS, LOOKING BACK AND LOOKING AHEAD, LOVING PEOPLE JUST AS THEY ARE (INCLUDING YOURSELF), SHARING ONE’S TALENTS AND ENTHUSIASM WITH OTHERS, DADS SPENDING TIME WITH DAUGHTERS, MOMS SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER, AND BAKING REALLY GOOD CAKE. FOR ME, THE EXPERIENCE OF WORKING WITH OUR CONTRIBUTORS WAS EXTRAORDINARY.

THE MAGAZINE EXISTED FROM NOVEMBER 2020 - MAY 2022. WE STILL SEE LITTLE GLIMMERS OF ITS IMPACT TODAY, WHICH SAYS TO US THAT SOCIABILITY LIVED A GOOD LIFE. THAT’S ABOUT THE BEST THING YOU CAN SAY ABOUT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WHEN YOU SAY GOOD-BYE.

hERE’S ONE OF MY STORIES, ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR SOCIABILITY AND NOW RETURNED TO ME TO SHARE WITH YOU.

My nervous system has been a little mixed up lately. It’s autonomically remembering, I think, all the emotions I was experiencing this time last year. It was June 2020, and we were living in a world still struggling to understand a global pandemic. We weren’t ready for the freedoms that summer usually brings, and in hindsight we know people who suffered because of it.   

But this summer is different. We know how to be careful and caring and safe. We understand there’s freedom in fresh air and sunshine. And thanks to modern medicine, there are more and more people we can safely hug and high-five and hang out with even without masking up. 

So, what’s up with my nerves?  

After flashing back to my freshman year psych course, I remembered that anxiety and anticipation are related to one another, almost like siblings. Each is born of a union between memories and predictions, and each gets its personality from varying levels of dopamine. Moderate amounts of dopamine produce the happy baby of Anticipation, while Anxiety is the terrible twos of unbridled dopamine. And (gulp) we’re in Year Two of COVID-19. How do we dial the dopamine back to pre-anxiety levels?   

Guess how I did it. By flipping through my parents’ old photo albums and looking at family reunion pictures from summers past. These two in particular stood out:   

throwback photos of Amy’s family’s reunion

The first photo shows the joyful chaos of a backyard barbecue. Always comfortable in the spotlight, my aunt -- a professional dancer, college professor, and a choreographer for the U.S. Olympic ice dancing team – can be seen standing on a hilariously giant stump, failing to gather everyone’s attention.  

The second photo is of my mom, sisters and me in a hospital room with my dad, who had a heart-related issue during the family reunion. It turned out to be minor, but only after it was scary.   

When we were looking ahead to that family reunion, we anticipated the fun, the silliness, and possibly even the surfacing of my aunt’s directorial inclinations. We weren’t anxious, even though it turned out we may have had reason to be.   

But this is life. This is family. This is the bad with the good, the anxiety with the anticipation. And after the fact, you can choose what to do with the memories you make from the experiences you had. Fear doesn’t have to be the primary take-away. 

As I look at that second photo now, all I can see is how relaxed Dad seems, and all I remember is how happy we were to be together. Oh, to be together like that again.  

In this month’s issue of Sociability, we celebrate the power of positive anticipation. And Dads. And summer.  

First, we’re thrilled to welcome guest writer Sunny Graham, whose anticipation of life (and chocolate) in the United States inspired her American journey from the Philippines. Next, in honor of Father’s Day, our publisher Tony reached out to some fellow dads to share some fatherly wisdom. Speaking of wise words: be sure to read Lisa’s review of the The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, a mighty book that’s been on the New York Times bestseller for nearly ten years.  

The Fourth Agreement asserts that we should always bring our best self to every moment. Here’s one sure-fire step toward self-empowerment: crank up the songs on Kendall’s ultimate summer soundtrack. Then break out your planner, pick a date for your next family or friends’ reunion, and make the most of all the pro tips in our reunion planning guide featuring wisdom from Leslie McGuire of McGuire Meets On-site Meeting Management, Inspirations Catering Owner Kristene Toledo, and Julie Barfield, Executive Director of Alumni and Donor Relations at the University of Texas at Arlington. Speaking of UTA, in honor of the Class of 2020 and 2021 our InstaGRADitude section this month is full of smiling faces donned in caps and gowns.  

Are you anticipating a beautiful summer spent outdoors? Us, too, and there’s plenty of natural beauty to explore right here at home. Join our new contributor Eoin Donovan as he introduces you to two local parks in Adventure in a Good Trail and our resident artist Lindsay who inspires creativity with a DIY butterfly project for kids. Autumn tees up some surprising facts about our seven local golf courses and clubs, including the only MLB baseball-affiliated course in the world.  

Reference  

I’m Not Overreacting. I’m Over-Anticipating by Jessica Del Pozo, Psychology Today, December 2020